i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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