First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
