maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
