this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
