Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
