i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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