tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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