tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
