we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
