apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
