Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
