barbara walters just said penis...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
