well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
