distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
