my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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