I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
