I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
