Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
