The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
