you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
