You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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