Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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