Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i barfeds in our rink
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
