The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
