non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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