Im at strip club and am horny
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
