I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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