dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
