Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
