We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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