and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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