I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
