Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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