just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
