I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
