Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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