nut hugger
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
