WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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