I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
