Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
