I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
