I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
