New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he puts the penis in happiness.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was like eating out sand paper
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
