Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
