You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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