i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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