My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
