guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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