I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize