She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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