What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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