Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Randomize
