Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sponge bath it is.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
