I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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