That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize