Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
