I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
