so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize