I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
