i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize