she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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