god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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