Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
