Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
