Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
