Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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