After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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