Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
