erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
