It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
