If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
