What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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