Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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