dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
