remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
