i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
