One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
